Odd to Valentine
- Woman In The Middle
- Feb 14, 2020
- 2 min read
Valentine is a good time to ponder about the famous Haddaway chorus line"What is love?" But in an odd way.
My son never told me he loves me.
I used to worry about it. Am I raising a psychopath? What is this? All children love their mothers.
When he was 7 the teacher forced him to make a card for Mother's Day. He refused to do it, cringing all inside.
She insisted and insisted until he reached a compromise that looked like this:
"I love you a little". Please notice the planets in between the hearts.
Love is not a word he takes lightly. He is overwhelmed by the immensity of the feeling and doesn't want to say it out loud. He is polite about it, though. When I tell him I love him (every day) he says "thank you".
From worry I went through a process that ended with the following question: why should I tell him how to love me? Why am I expecting him to behave in a certain way?
He shows me that he loves me in many many ways.
He loves me when he gives me a report about his day and says "I did Wednesday stuff today but I will make this report longer because you seem to like that".
He loves me when he comes out yelling: "Hi Maaaaa!" and then tells me about space related stuff that has no relevance to me but while he is doing it he holds my hand a little.
He loves me when he waves back at me from the school yard after I drop him off.
His eyes light up when he sees me.
He also made me this cup:
Hi Thomas! This is how I start my day.
So my love lesson is this:
We cannot impose on the others our own ideas of love. Our expectations of love being in a certain way are infantile and naive.
In real life people have mental, emotional, physical baggage. In real life people fail to show up at important moments. They have different priorities in different moments.
In real life people disappoint and betray.
In real life people fall asleep when you talk to them. They don't remember what you told them to do. They have destructive habits. They disturb your sleep.
In real life we fart, we get fat, we forget important dates, we get mad, we lose our temper.
In real life we mostly hurt the ones we love the most. They are the closest to us and they see us with our metaphorical (and literal) knickers down.
We have two choices: to take the high moral ground and judge each other OR realise that we're in the same boat, being imperfect human beings, trying our best to get through the day.
And in the background of it all, there is a bigger thing - isn't it. It is acceptance. We don't try to change the ones we love.
Loving a little is more than the world and the moon and the stars.
❤️
Have you read the other stuff on this blog? No? What are you waiting for?
Comments